Sometimes I feel afraid to admit, even to myself, what I like to read. It’s my pride I think. Pride is the sin I struggle with the most. So back to what I like, I evaluate what I like and wonder if it’s good enough, smart enough, or whatever and then I become fearful that I’m trying to like something to please someone else or worse that I’m becoming pretentious.
I also wrestle with these kinds of thoughts: “if I admit that I like reading mystery fluff like what Mary Daheim and Donna Andrews writes, does that mean I am less intelligent?” or “Do I want to read Three Musketeers or Les Mis because I think it will make me feel more intelligent?”
I wrestle with ideas like “do I like Shakespeare because I like Shakespeare or because I think that liking Shakespeare makes me look smarter or more intelligent?” (I like Shakespeare because I like Shakespeare, but I like that I feel smarter because I like Shakespeare.)
I wrestle with being honest and true to myself and fighting the idea that somehow my value or worth as a person is tied into whether or not I am reading the right, impressive books. I know in my head that my value and worth has nothing to do with what I choose to read. Signing up for Goodreads and actually listing books in my Want to Read and marking books as read has really helped me to realize that it is ok to be eclectic with what I read. It’s ok to choose a wide variety of books from different genres. It’s ok to like fluff and ok to like more serious literature. I don’t have to choose one or the other. I can choose both and that doesn’t mean anything other than I like to read and I do like to read. I just had to make more time for reading and let go of the idea that I had to read certain types of books. I can read what I want.
Currently I am actively reading 3 books: One on my NOOK, one on my Kindle and one real book with a hardcover. Each of those books are different and I know that I am reading them because I want to read them and not for any other reason. Do you like to read? Do you wrestle with the idea that you should read a certain kind of book?
Check out this week’s letter!